The Parent Trap

Your phone rings and you instantly know something is wrong. A parent is in the hospital, nobody is giving straight answers, and you are suddenly managing medications, paperwork, and family emotions like it’s your second job. We’re Nicole and Heather, two Gen X friends trying to make sense of what it means to “raise our parents” while we’re still working, paying bills, and barely feeling like adults ourselves.

We talk through the caregiving reality hitting baby boomers and their Gen X kids: longer lifespans, chronic illness, dementia fears, rehab stays, and the shocking price of assisted living and home care. We get personal about a small stroke, the frustration of stubborn parents who refuse to slow down, and the quiet roles families assign when a crisis hits. We also dig into the modern twist nobody warned us about: elder care is now tied to apps, patient portals, pharmacy kiosks, and digital systems that can leave older adults stranded unless we step in.

Then we go to the hardest part: end-of-life decisions. We share what we learned about DNRs, why “pulling the plug” can still land on the family, and how guilt can stick even when you’re doing your best. We also wrestle with quality of life, dignity, and why so many of us are rethinking what we’d want for ourselves.

If you’re navigating aging parents, caregiving stress, medical power of attorney, or long-distance elder care, you’ll feel seen here. Subscribe, share this with a Gen X friend, and leave a review so more caregivers can find us.

Transcript

Welcome Back And Life Updates

SPEAKER_01 0:16

Welcome to Like Whatever, a podcast for, by, and about Gen X. I'm Nicole, and this is my BFFF, Heather.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Hello. We're back.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

We're back. Yay. Yay. Sorry about last week. Yeah. Um we'll explain later. Yep, yep. It will get incorporated in here, but um it's been a rough little time of it here. Yep, yep, yep, yep. But it led to a really good episode that we're going to share with you today. But gosh, I can't even think of anything.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

I just um we had our food drive this week, which was crazy and intense. And I'm glad that's over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too. And thanks to everyone who helped out and gave food. That's a cool thing. Um, I forget what else I was gonna talk about.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

I know I'm excited for the next pandemic. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

I'm getting pretty psyched. I'm not, because I was an essential employee.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_02 1:23

But I'm not an RCA this time. I'm not the help. Right. I'm a regular this time. So yes. So you have more um control over the situation. Although the money I was making then.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

I just get to work from home. Lucky bitch. That's what I want. We'll see. Yeah, it's pretty exciting. Like I feel like I should start going buying some toilet paper just in case. Just to beat the Christmas rush. Yes. Yeah, not because I need tons of it, but because other people will think they need tons of it, and then I won't have any. Sell it on the black market. Yeah, for sure. We learned some lessons from the last pandemic. We did. We get to wear cute masks again. No. Yeah, I really hate to wear masks. Man. I have like this thing about feeling like I can't breathe, and I did not like having that thing over my face.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

I did not either. That's why I'm not a doctor. Yeah. I mean, the only reason. Yeah, really.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Simply couldn't do it. I said it as a kid. I was like, I I'll never grow up to be a doctor. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:32

This mask thing is too much. It's too much. There's all that school and stuff, but this mask is where I draw the line. I get it. Yeah. I agree. It's too hard. Um, so we also want to get back to um the question. Oh, the philosophical question.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Yes. And I have not been given a heads up.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

So that's because I literally just do what kind of it's a lot of bull crap I can come up with. 20 minutes ago. Okay. And now I've forgotten it.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

It was well good. We're in the same boat.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

That's what it was. All right. So the question is, is your mind the same thing as your brain? No. I don't believe so. Okay. What do you think? No. Okay. Because I tell you all the time, my brain freaks me the fuck out. Why is your brain freak you out? So I don't like it because I feel like I am separate from my brain, and my brain does things just willy-nilly without me doing like it breathes and heartbeats and it does all that.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

All on its own. And then the part I hate, not that I do this, but if I were to hold my breath, like consciously, I'm gonna hold my breath. At some point, my brain is just gonna be like, yeah, no, and will make me pass out, knock my ass out to breathe.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Yes. So you don't like the control that your brain has over.

SPEAKER_02 4:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

That's exactly correct.

SPEAKER_02 4:17

I don't like that my brain can just do things all without me. Without me knowing.

SPEAKER_01 4:23

I see the brain as more medical and an organ. Right. And I see your mind more as the mental health.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

I mean, I guess that yeah. But do you think they have their own like I feel like they have their own separate consciousness? Like, I feel like there's two people that live inside you. One is your lizard brain that is like, yeah, no, we're not. We're not doing this. And the other one is is your regular brain that's like, no, I really want to hold my breath forever. And it's like, no, but we're not we're not doing that. Okay, sit down.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Well, the mind is definitely housed in the brain, in my eyes, but and it's a terrible thing to waste. It is. You're not wrong. I guess it's on that note though, it's more in of the intellectual part. Maybe the mind is more the thinking and the brain is more the gelatinous the goo. The worker. The worker be.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

The engine. I don't know. I don't like it. It we're it wigs me out. I don't like the fact that that your brain can do things without you.

SPEAKER_01 5:44

Your automated functions are not something that you can control.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

I want to make sure I want my heart to beat when my I want my heart to beat and not just willy-nilly. And if I don't want it to beat right this minute, I should be able to stop it. But I can't. Like you have app like that. Like if I were to like try real hard right now, I could not make my heart skip a beat. No. No matter how hard I try.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

But in the mind, if there's something intellectual or mental health-wise Not that you can always control it, I know, but you can do things to try to change it. You can't change the brain. Like you can't. If you bash your head on a concrete side of motion, you're definitely gonna change your brain. Take this bitch out.

SPEAKER_02 6:39

Like it's really hard to drown yourself. Yeah. I don't even think you can.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

I think your brain and your I know when they show people like walking out into a lake in the dark and they just walk out, and I'm like, no, unless you can't swim. And you walk until your feet can't touch. I would never drown. I could swim. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

Because I think panic takes over, and I think that's how I don't know. Unless they weigh that because they weigh themselves down sometimes too.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

It's the automatic breathing thing. Yeah. You're right. I mean, at some point the brain's gonna be like, get your ass back up to where the air is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

You don't know. We're not the games. We left us millions of years ago. We don't have gills anymore. So get out.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:20

Exactly. Which is crazy. That's the part that bothers me. Yeah. And here's another thing. Like, your jaw has enough power to bite your own finger off. But you just don't. No. Why not? Well, if I want to, I couldn't even if I tried. If I stuck my finger in my mouth and chomped down, I I wouldn't be able to bite my finger off. No. My brain would be like, no, we're not doing that. You can't tickle yourself. Well, that's fine. I hate being tickled.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Me too. But that's where your brain is good. Your brain's like, no, tickling's stupid. We're not doing that. You're an idiot. Oh, I'm so glad that we're old enough to not be tickled anymore.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Ugh. It's possibly the worst thing on the planet.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

It is.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

But it's so fun to do that as odd work. I don't do it to anybody because I hate it that much.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Yeah. I mean, I don't do it obsessively, but I might get you for a few seconds.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

Uh-huh. Not interested. Yeah. I don't torture people.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

I guess I should start asking kids if they like being tickled before I start. Would you like to it's consent. It is. Because they might really hate it. And you can't help but laugh when you do it, so it looks like you're having fun. But I never was.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Never. I very rarely have fun. So I mean. There you go. My brain. I don't know, won't let me. I guess.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

Normal people that part farts falls on the mind part, but your brain is like, We're not having fun. No, nope.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

It is nine o'clock. It is time for us to go to sleep. And then my mind has to be like, no, we're gonna stay. And my brain is like, no, nope. And with no control, you get up off the couch and walk over to the bed. I could even not have a watch on. And somehow my whole self just senses the time. Nine o'clock.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

We must leave now. It's like my cats at 7 30. They know it's time to have dinner. It is.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

It doesn't matter. I could be having the best time ever. And at nine o'clock, I'm just like, all right. Well, that was fun. Yeah, I'm gonna go now. Everybody will be like, but you're you were just having the greatest time of yeah, and now it's time to go to bed. Which is also the greatest part of the day.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

It really is. So sometimes I lay on the couch and I'm like, I'll just lay here and finish watching the show. I got like halfway through one last night and I was like, This is dumb. It's gonna be so much better in my bed. And I just shot it off mid-show and went to bed. I have tried to change the time.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

I'm like, you're a grown-up now. So you don't have school period time. Ten o'clock. You're still gonna get eight hours. Like, nope. Ten o'clock's what I shoot for. My brain at nine o'clock is just like, yep. How about it?

SPEAKER_00 10:20

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SPEAKER_01 11:15

Oh man. All right. Well, before we get to it, I would like to ask everyone to like share rate review. Find us on all the socials. Email us at likewhateverpod at gmail.com. Check out our website at likewhateverpod.com. We are on the YouTube. Yep. Was that it? Yep. Okay. That's it.

Gen X And Aging Parents Reality

SPEAKER_02 11:37

Yeah. Did you say the website? I did. Okay. Then yeah. Yep. So in light of last week, we are going to discuss something that doesn't have anything to do with us being children. But again, much like the AARP situation, it is something that affects us now and that will be affecting us moving forward. So let me start with we're gonna fuck around and find out about our aging parents. Ooh, boo. Genux grew up in the margins, independent, unsupervised, and often overlooked. We learned early how to manage ourselves, how to adapt and keep going. What we didn't know was that this independence was preparing us for a future no one warned us about. A future where we would become the primary caregiver for an aging generation living longer and with more complex needs than any before them. Rising life expectancy and shrinking family size increased chronic illness. The numbers tell a story of inevitability. Gen X stands at the intersection of these forces, the smallest generation with the largest caregiving burden. We are raising children, supporting households, maintaining careers, and now coordinating the care of parents whose needs grow more complex each year. It's not a crisis of individual families, it's a demographic turning point. Caregiving is not a single task, it's a constellation of responsibilities, medical, emotional, logistical, and financial. It's managing medications with precision, it's navigating a healthcare system that often feels impenetrable. It is advocating for parents who once advocated for us. In this quiet, relentless work of keeping someone safe. And it is done more often than not without training, compensation, or rest. The American elder care system was not built for the reality we now face. It assumes a level of support that no longer exists. It relies on family caregivers without acknowledging the cost, financial, emotional, or physical. Gen X is navigating this system while balancing careers, children, and their own health. Caregiving is not only logistical, it's profoundly emotional. It's witnessing the gradual vulnerability of the people who once seemed unshakable. It's giving it's grieving changes that arrive slowly, then all at once. It's the tension between love and exhaustion, duty and overwhelm. And it's the quiet guilt that follows caregivers everywhere. The sense that no matter how much they do, it will never feel like enough. Gen X is the hinged generation supporting both aging parents and growing children. They're stretched across decades of need. There are the they are the stabilizers of family, workplace, and communities. And yet their labor remains largely invisible, uncounted, unacknowledged, and essential. Despite the weight, Gen X continues, not because it's easy, not because we are unbreakable, but because we understand responsibility. We were raised to adapt because we know that care, real care, is an act of endurance. It's not it's loud, not celebrated, but it's the backbone of families across the country. If you are caring for aging parents, you are not alone. You're part of a generation carrying a profound and complicated responsibility. You are doing work that matters, work that is often unseen, work that is reshaping what it means to be a family in America.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

All right, so we co-scripted this week because um what happened last week happened to me um a few months back. So um we have our shared stories, and I have um a little bit of background as well. Um, so if I repeat anything that Heather says, I apologize. Um the parents of Generation X, primarily baby boomers, are experiencing longer lifespans, increased chronic health issues, and rising caregiving needs, placing significant emotional, financial, and logistic demands on their Gen X children, as Heather said. Baby boomers were born roughly from 1946 to 1964. Um, they're living longer. Um they have health issues such as dementia, mobility limitations, and increased alcohol use. Uh studies indicate that nearly two in five adults over 55 may develop dementia, and alcohol consumption among seniors is rising, complicating care. These health challenges often require ongoing monitoring, medications, and assistance with daily living activities. Many Gen Xers are part of the sandwich generation, simultaneously raising their children and caring for their parents. This dual responsibility can involve managing their parents' finances, coordinating medical appointments, providing emotional support. Uh, it's intensive. Uh, and Gen Xers are spending the equivalent of a full-time job on elder care while also maintaining their own careers. Emotional stress is common as caregivers navigate identity shifts and the challenge of balancing multiple roles. Supporting aging parents can be financially burdensome. Uh, costs for assisted living or home health care can exceed$70,000 annually.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

That's insane.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Yeah, and I can attest to this. My um my father-in-law and mother-in-law, my mother-in-law had um Huntington's disease, and my father-in-law took care of her for as long as he absolutely could. Right. And then um he found the best care for her once he couldn't take care of her anymore. And he was handwriting a check for$8,000 every month to pay for her to live there. And that's with he retired from the service. He also retired from the state, she retired from the bank, and they had Medicare and Social Security, and none of that stuff was covering it. Yeah. Because if you have enough money and you own property, you have to spend your money. Like if he would have depleted all of his money, he would have been expected to sell the house to continue to pay for her care, which is just mind-blowing. Yep. It's crazy. Um, and so then Gen Xers are facing their own retirement planning pressures. Um, financial strain is compounded by college expenses for children, mortgage payments, and limited retirement savings, creating a complex economic landscape for middle-aged adults.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Well, the problem also was that you know, our generation had kids older. Correct. Like our parents had kids younger. Correct. Um so like when my grandparents well, one set died when I was 10, so they don't count. Right. But um the other set, they died when I was like in my 30s, possibly even my 40s, of course. They live evil lives forever. Forever. Yeah. So exactly. But yeah, I mean, yeah, of course, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

Um, the aging of Gen X parents also affects family dynamics. Gen X Gen Xers often act as the glue, um, meeting between their parents' independence and their own children's needs. Emotional bonding can be rewarding, but the stress of caregiving can lead to burnout if self-care and support systems are not prioritized. Cultural expectations, gender rules, and personal identity further influence how caregivers manage these responsibilities. Uh, experts recommend early conversations about parents' wishes, legal and financial planning, and building a professional support network, including healthcare providers, financial advisors, and aging care specialists. Self-care setting boundaries and seeking respite are critical to maintaining the well-being of both caregivers and the aging parents. Technology and community resources can also help manage care more efficiently. In summary, the parents of Gen X are aging in a context of longer lifespans, chronic health conditions, and complex social and financial needs. Gen X children are increasingly central to their care, balancing multiple responsibilities while navigating emotional, financial, and logistical pressures. Proactive planning, support networks, and self-care are essential to manage this generational caregiving dynamic effectively.

Apps, AI, And Digital Healthcare

SPEAKER_02 20:14

So one of the things I was thinking was thinking about was one of the big issues I think that we we all face is that a lot of the healthcare, elder care, doctors, all that, all of that shit is online now. Everything's got a fucking app. Your chart is at yeah, and the boomers aren't great with that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_01 20:39

You know, you remind me I was in um CVS the other day picking up my prescription, and this teeny tiny little ancient, frail little lady was standing in front of me. And the lady behind, well, I call her lady loosely, behind the pharmacy, which they're not the friendliest people that work in there anyway, um, is yelling at her because they have a new system. Uh, this is the first time I had seen it. So now when you walk up to the register, there's this huge iPad there, and you have to punch in your name and your birthday, and then it'll bring up like what prescriptions you have, and you check which ones you're picking up and all that. So I navigated through it fine, of course. Like there were two of them. So she's yelling at this lady to go put her thing in the iPad. And when I and then she came over, wrung me up. When I'm leaving, this poor lady's still standing there with no idea to do, and this lady's back over here yelling at her about how to put it in. And I'm like, are you kidding me right now? Like, you all weren't told when these old folks come in here, show them how to use it. Yeah. Like, she doesn't know.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Yeah. And that's and that's the problem. Like, everything is digital now. And for people who are not, I mean, my parents, I'm I have to say, they use their phone a lot.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

Right.

SPEAKER_02 21:56

They're very good about their phone, but but There's still a lot of stuff that they can't do.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

My dad has no idea how to use the phone. He knows how to check the email and send a text. Oh, mine mine are good. That's all he knows. My stepmom is excellent with phone. Right.

SPEAKER_02 22:14

So I think that's part of the problem that we have is that we have to we have to learn that shit too. Like granted, it is easier for us to learn it because we did, you know, computers and all that really in the 90s, and you know, as as we were adults, right? It really came of. So, you know, but on the other side of it, you know, having to learn it yourself and then try to explain it to an aging parent. Right. It's that's where that emotional stuff comes in. And it's today. Today, I had I was waiting for you to get here, and I was talking to my mom, and she shows me a video of this guy singing, and he was like half singing and half talking, and anyway, she was like, I love his voice, and his eyes are so pretty. And I was like, Mom, that's not real. And she was like, What do you mean? And I was like, It's that's AI. And she was like, They just made up a face and a voice, and I was like, Yes, that's you can just tell, and sometimes it's hard to to to differentiate what is real and what is AI.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

That's really funny because yesterday I was sitting talking to my oldest daughter, and um we were both just doom scrolling, sit next to each other on the couch, and I came across this cat that lives in Africa, and it was a kitten, and it was so cute, and it had this wide face and these big huge ears. And I showed her, I was like, Look at this kitten. She was like, Mom, that's AI. I was like, No, dummy, it's not. So she was like, Yes, it is. And I was like, Well, it's called this. And I was like, I'm gonna Google it. She's like, I already am, and then she pulled it up, she's like, Well, it doesn't really look like that. And I'm like, whatever, I know what AI is, but it's funny that we had this like the next generation down thinks she's gonna have to tell me these things. But um, yeah, it's it, and then I understand you have to phase things out and you have to move with the times, and we all want to be more um save more paper, more trees. I get all that, but you have to wait until that generation's gone to fully phase it out. Yeah, like there has to be an aspect of it that they still can access access and understand. Um, because eventually we'll reach a point where that will sound so crazy to the next generation that that's the way you used to do it.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

So my mom still pays at the grocery store with a check. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

My my roommate still pays all her bills with a check. She sits down with the checkbook and all the bills and she writes them out. Yep. Like, that is wild.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

She I took her to the grocery store and I was like, okay, and then she was like, Well, I well, that's great. You all are gonna find out a whole lot about our parents today. So I we start going to the grocery store, and we get like three quarters of the way, no, a quarter of the way, far enough that I'm not coming back for nothing. And she's like, Oh no. And I was like, What? I don't have my food line card. And I was like, Okay, I have a food line card. And she's going through all of her stuff. Now, something about my mom. My mom does have a brain injury, so correct. So she is a little bit we got that added in. And she's had it for like 25 years now. Um she gets obsessed, so she's going through her, and I was like, Mom, it's it's fine. It's okay. I have I have a food line card. And she's like, Well, I don't know if I gave it to your dad. And I was like, mom, I'll have a fucking food line card. Just use my food line card. And I'm texting my sister, and I'm like, Your mother. And my sister's like, just put my phone number in. I was like, I I have one though. I can't. So then she finally comes out with, Well, can I use yours if I'm paying with a check? And it was like, Yes, your food line card has nothing to do with your check. And even if you couldn't, you have a debit card. We can just tap it right on there and be we don't have to wait. That was very frustrating.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:19

Then we had to hold up the wait, we had the the whole line was held up. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She'd buy me candy though.

SPEAKER_01 26:26

Yeah. Like she wasn't going to it.

SPEAKER_02 26:29

I know, that's why I volunteered. I've always I've always been the one that went grocery shopping with my mom because I'm not stupid. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

Yep. And that's why your niece goes now.

SPEAKER_02 26:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 26:42

I beat her out. Mm-hmm. Wait till your niece has her own place. Oh my god. She's gonna be a little bit more than a big thing. Your mom's gonna be like, we spent$500 at the grocery store. My goodness.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

Adriana keeps coming over here saying she's gonna take me to the grocery store.

SPEAKER_01 26:55

I told her I don't need anything.

Dad’s Stroke And Family Roles

SPEAKER_02 27:00

Um so this all brings us to last week. My dad had a small stroke. Um the man is I uh unfortunately the same as me. Yeah, as stubborn as a mule. Yes. So uh he and it's hilarious because he was at work. He's not supposed to be working, he shouldn't have to work, he doesn't need to work. They swear that he does, but he he doesn't. Right now, he's out doing electrical work for somebody. So he works for his brother sometimes, and I guess he was not making any sense to the coworker, and the co-worker called his brother, his brother came in, and his brother freaked the fuck out. And his brother called me. Now, I have spoken to my dad's brother on the phone exactly one time prior to last week, and that was the day of their motorcycle accident.

SPEAKER_03 28:06

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 28:06

So when he called and his name popped up on my phone, I was like, oh no. And when I answered, he said, don't freak out. But I've done that to you a time or two. Yes. Yes. Um the issue then becomes my sister is 47 years old. She's about to be 47. She's uh has two almost grown children. One is gonna be 21 and the other one is gonna be 18. So grown, she's just grown-ass kids that she kept alive for that whole time. He said your dad wanted me to call you because your mother and sister can't handle it. And I said, Cool, cool. Awesome. So I then called my sister who freaked out.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

So your uncle was right.

SPEAKER_02 29:07

She didn't freak out about that. She was pissed off that everybody thinks that she can't handle things because of what happened 20 years ago. And she she's she's mad. Uh-huh. Mad because she can handle things. Okay. She can handle as the burden of being the oldest child and a sister who apparently can't handle things, the burden falls on me. Oh, she did go to the hospital because she was off and I was not. Um, and well, immediately she texted, let's just pull the plug. And I said, Cool. Where do I sign? But at the time we didn't know what had happened. So we I And he was still conscious. Yeah. They weren't gonna let us, unfortunately. Like we tried real cool. When she got to the hospital, she was like, Where's the plug? I'm like yanking. Um, so anyway, but my concern was this was I had a feeling that it was a small stroke. Um, because he was coming out of it and he was really tired and whatever. Um, so I had a feeling that's what it was. But my other concern was was this the beginning of dementia? Like was this the start? And here's why that is a massive concern for me. Because it is all about me. I guess my mother has a brain injury, yes, she cannot. She's fine. She is. She she is fine. She is not gonna do she can't drive anymore. She won't drive. She probably can, but she won't. So if my dad gets dementia, it's gonna be like two of them have dementia.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

Yes, exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

And it's gonna be very difficult. And because I do not have children, I was not the breeder, I understand that this falls on me. Right. I understand that. Like I get it. I don't have any issues with that. That their elder care, I will have to move in with them, and I will have to take her to the grocery store, and I will I don't have a problem with that. Um but that's where we are. He's fine. He went back to work, not the next day, because they made him stay in the hospital overnight, but then he went to work the next day.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

Yes, he did.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

At four o'clock in the morning. Yes, and then went and laid down and slept the entire day, and is now mad at my sister and I and refuses to speak to us because we told him he needs to take this seriously. No joke. She texted me and said, Dad is so mad at me that he didn't even wish me happy Mother's Day.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

Damn.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

I think he just didn't realize it was Mother's Day.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

So, do you want to share like how you found out he had a stroke and all the things he's supposed to be doing? And he's pretending like this is all part of the journey. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

So we spent all day with MRIs and nonsense. Well, first he said, Don't come to the hospital because he's just gonna sleep. And they're not gonna tell him, and he's just waiting for blah blah blah. Don't come to the hospital, but bring me pants. I don't know how he was gonna get pants if we didn't come to the hospital. That's neither here nor there. So the three of us, mom, sister, and I go up, and he slept the whole time and was actually in good spirits first. He was joking with the nurses, and that concerned my sister because he's not a good patient at all. We learned from his motorcycle acts. Um, so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

Then he got pissy. Because I remember I was texting you for updates, and you're like, nobody's telling us anything, we don't know anything, but I'm pretty sure he knew. I don't think he did. Okay. Because he slept. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

He didn't I he knew when he left the hospital. I had to read his paperwork because he refused to tell anybody what was happening. He I said, What is wrong with you? Because we didn't go pick him up. His brother did. So again, we're bad people, I guess. Um, but his brother called me like a million times, so let him deal with it. Um I had to read his paperwork because when I said, So what is wrong with you? He said, I had kids. And that is also what he told my sister. When she asked what was wrong, he said he had kids. So I had to read his paperwork. He's supposed to be taking blood thinners. He is, I did see them downstairs.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

Oh, good.

SPEAKER_02 33:54

Uh-huh. Um because when we asked him in the hospital when I talked to him on the phone right before right after he came out of his MRI, I said, so what did they say? I have to take aspirin. And I that's that's when I was like, oh, okay. I know what that means. All right. And I was like, oh, was it a stroke? I don't know. Okay. All right. Well, they don't just make you take aspirin for no fucking reason, but whatever. So here's my other thing about us and boomers. Boomers are stubborn as fuck, and they think they fucking know everything. They do. Yes. So trying to get them to do. I saw a great TikTok that was like, we now have to look over our parents' medical papers like they did our report card. Like, mm-mm, you gotta see in cholesterol. Gonna need to have that. And look, the doctor's note says, but that's exactly what it is. I mean, he just refuses to listen.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

He doesn't he doesn't take it seriously.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

He doesn't, he doesn't ever go to the doctor, which whatever. I don't either, but right. It's just it's and then he just wants to be mad about it.

SPEAKER_01 35:04

So do you think that we Gen Xers with children will be easier on our kids when we get older?

SPEAKER_02 35:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 35:14

I do too.

SPEAKER_02 35:14

I think we just go off in the woods and die.

SPEAKER_01 35:18

Or we're like, fuck this, we've been taking care of everyone our whole entire lives. Go ahead and take care of me.

SPEAKER_02 35:26

I don't know. I think that I don't think I personally for myself, it's very hard to let somebody take care of me. Like, I I don't want you mouse with me.

SPEAKER_01 35:36

I never noticed.

SPEAKER_02 35:40

I got it. I can handle it all on my own. And I think I think a lot of us are like that, where we're just like, I got this.

SPEAKER_01 35:48

Like, because I think Yeah, we are, but I I I don't think I'll have any problem having my kids now now. Will they take care of me? I don't know. Let me see. That's probably the bigger question.

SPEAKER_02 36:06

Yeah, I don't I and when you were saying about the, you know, you need to discuss with your parents their plans. I've all literally always known their my mom has drilled it into my head since I was like seven. What happens to her and what is going to happen to her, and da da da. And that is why I live with a lot of guilt because of their motorcycle accident. She has made it perfectly clear that they neither one of them want to be on machines. Right. I can't blame them. Makes total sense. And the day that they they didn't slow things down in that room, and you have to make decisions fast, and I made decisions, and when I went up there and saw her hook to every machine under the again, she's fine. But right that second, I thought, oh fuck, what have I done? Yeah. Like I did that to her, and she did not want that. Yep. And I felt I still feel guilt over it. Would she have died? I don't think so. You know? Who knows? Right. She was they put her in a coma for her brain, so that's why they had her.

SPEAKER_01 37:13

Well, it's a lose-lose situation. Like you went against what she wanted, but could you live with yourself if she died when you pulled the plug? And you're like, well, what if I hadn't? Like, so there was just no good answer to that. But I did.

SPEAKER_02 37:25

I felt that pang of like, oh, that's not at all what she wanted, you know. And um, so I think that's part of the problem too, is like, I mean, they they do live, they are living longer.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

Yeah.

DNR Paperwork And Pulling The Plug

SPEAKER_02 37:42

They, you know, we so medicine is advancing. Yeah, so much advancement in medicine and and you know, everything like that. So they are living long, so the burden will be longer. Um as far as how we will honestly, I really think that we just we just die of whatever sickness. I don't have time for this.

SPEAKER_01 38:05

So getting back to pulling the plug, um, have I discussed on here before when my father-in-law passed? No, I didn't think so. So, this is another heads up that is really relevant to this topic, and that I did not know until I was in the situation, and I want other people to know. Um, my father-in-law was a very vivacious man. He was spunky, he was in his 80s, he traveled, he kept his house and yard perfect, he had a girlfriend, he did all kinds of like he was very, very active, and he fell suddenly ill very quickly. Um, he was having breathing issues. He previously worked for ILC, which makes the um spacesuits. So we were wondering if he had some sort of lung disease from that. Um, and he would be the type of man who would find out he was sick and not tell his family so that he could just live out his life like normal. Uh, and so it all happened very, very fast. Uh, he went to the hospital, the ambulance came and picked him up. By like the next day, it was time to make the decision. Like he was not coming back. Um, so they pull, it was me, my ex-husband, my sister-in-law, my brother-in-law. So it wasn't the next day because my brother-in-law needed time to get here. So it was a few days. Um, my nephew, and then my father-in-law's girlfriend. Um, and they bring us in and they tell us the situation um and make us make the decision. So I'm I'm more even though I was in the family like 20 years, I still felt like more of a like my opinion doesn't count as much as yours does. The three siblings were really leaning towards pulling the plug. Like they knew he didn't want that. Right. Um my nephew desperately wanted us tr to transfer him out of that hospital into a better hospital to see if they could find him, fix him. My sister-in-law didn't want him dying in a helicopter alone. Right. Like, it's all going back and forth. So I finally look at there's a physician in there and a social worker. So I look at the physician and I was like, what is the point? Because he had a DNR. I was like, what is the point of having a DNR if the family still has to make the decision? Like they said what they wanted, it's legally written down, he signed it, it's notarized. Like, why aren't you just pulling the plug? Because that was his wish. And they explained that a DNR is more of a courtesy to the family so that you know what their decision is. Oh, but you they still can't do it without the family saying yes, go ahead and do it. Which sounds like such a fucked up dis uh system to me. Like, yeah, who wants to do that?

SPEAKER_02 41:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:01

You know, like you were in the same situation, like you knew what she wanted, and he was on vacation when all this started, and his girlfriend drove him back up here, so when we had last seen him, he was fine. Yeah. And then all of a sudden this happened, and now and the what ifs will kill you. Yeah. I'm sure my nephew is traumatized by it because his other grandfather, who had already passed, had a similar situation, and they had him transferred to a different hospital, and they were able to fix him. So in his head, you know, so he's calling his dad, like, where did he go? You know, what did they do, and all that stuff. So, because he had a young son that he wanted him to know his grandfather, his great grandfather, and all that stuff. So I had no idea. I always assume that if you said pull the plug, that's it, that's what they would do, and that is not the case. So that's a real shame, too. It is. It's what's the point? Why why do you even go through the paperwork then?

SPEAKER_02 42:03

Why bother with paperwork?

SPEAKER_01 42:04

I mean, I I know you tell your credit, you tell your family what you want because that's all it really comes down to anyway. So, what the hell are we paying lawyers for to process this paperwork? Goddamn lawyers. Yeah, I it was wild to me. And I I don't know if that's nationally. So I should say here in this state, that's what happens.

SPEAKER_02 42:21

Right.

SPEAKER_01 42:21

I don't know if we're pretty loose.

SPEAKER_02 42:23

Our state is pretty loosey-goosey with with stuff, so that's surprising in our state.

unknown 42:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:32

We are real loosey-goosey with rules. We're a party state, yeah. We're just like, whatever. You want her dead? Fine, I got it. You don't pull the plug? Okay. I mean, she is sitting up in this chair watching TV, but we can we can do it.

SPEAKER_01 42:52

I mean, we could take a back to her head if it's what you really want, you know.

SPEAKER_02 42:57

Your decision. I don't know. But I think that is, you know, having to make those kind of decisions. And I not obviously not me, but also having children that you have to, you know, take care of, and then and an elderly parent that you have to take care of. Correct. And technology and you know, navigating the just I don't think we're adult enough. And that's the problem, is now we're becoming the adultiest of adults. Like, yeah, we're hitting our peak. Yeah. We're we're hitting the the high. It doesn't get much more adulty than that. Yeah. We're pretty much like we're in our fifties.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

It is time to mature.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

We're we're hitting super adult here shortly. And it's, you know.

SPEAKER_01 43:46

We're gonna blink and be a burden on next generation.

SPEAKER_02 43:50

And then, you know, the other family size is correct. You know, there's not the there's a lot less Gen Xers than any other generation.

SPEAKER_01 43:58

Right. And those Boomers, when they were taking care of their families, they had 10 or 12 siblings. Yeah. Um, so everybody could share responsibility and things like that.

SPEAKER_02 44:09

You you know it's you and your sister, it's me and my sister. And health care didn't cost seven arms and four legs. You didn't have to take out a mortgage on your house. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 44:20

Or make the decision of aspirin. Pulling a plug. Yeah. Yeah.

Assisted Dying And Quality Of Life

SPEAKER_02 44:26

And that's the okay, so that's my other thing. Uh the doctor-assisted suicide. I'm a big fan. Big fan. I I never would have guessed. Because if you can do it for a dog, like it's the thing you're supposed to do to your pet when your pet gets to a point.

SPEAKER_01 44:43

Like Yeah, it's cruel to not do it. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 44:46

Like you were looked at as a bad person if you let your dog and the majority of dog owners will say, you know, he's got the cancer, he's got a bad hip, or he's got whatever, but I until he's in pain.

SPEAKER_01 45:00

But once he's in pain, I'm not gonna let him go on anymore.

SPEAKER_02 45:03

And as a as a pet owner, you know, uh, it's as I took on the responsibility of this dog, which means I took on the responsibility of the end of this dog's life because obviously I'm gonna outlive it. Um so I took the burden on making that decision because that dog can't. So it's I will know when it's right, and I have to make the decision because he can't. Yep. So I think that should be why is that not a lot? Like, why do we let our pets do it? But and it's expected, right?

SPEAKER_01 45:38

But old people, you just like play there and rhyme, you can't go to the bathroom, you can't like the dignity is so far gone.

SPEAKER_02 45:48

My sister and I discussed it. There's no way that man could get have a long illness, drawn out illness. No way. There's no way. God, no. No, he has to die quick.

SPEAKER_01 45:59

One of the three of you will do a pillow to the face. I mean, once it reaches that point. But that's a I mean, that's it. Like, there's no way, and that's and he wouldn't in no capacity, it's the quality of life that you have cancer. And then there are people, and I'll get into this, my dad is terrified of dying. And his theory is as long as I'm still upright, I'm good. You know, throw anything at me you want to, and and I'm good. But he is terrified of dying, and he wants because his whole thing is what if I die today of X, Y, and Z, and tomorrow they find a cure for X, Y, and Z. Right. So, and that's always been his thing. Um, and that's fine too. You know, he he doesn't want to be put out of his misery, he wants to stay alive, and that's another thing about the boomers.

SPEAKER_02 46:48

The boomers are a lot different than the generation before them because yeah, they're living into their 90s, 100, and some, you know, generations before them also did, but they weren't as active. Right.

SPEAKER_01 46:59

Like these boomers are active, they are, and the hundred-year mark used to be a rarity. Yeah, like you'd see once a year on the news, like Ethel hit her hundredth birthday and everybody celebrated. Now they're uh every week on the news, oh, so and so is 104, so-and-so's a hundred and five seven, so-and-so just hit a hundred. And I mean, it's all the time, yeah. And they're spunky, they're still going, like they have more energy than I do.

SPEAKER_02 47:24

They're active until yeah, so that's the other problem. Like they my dad is the example, he doesn't slow down for nothing. Ever. No, never, no, ever. And that's why I said there's no way the man could go through a long drawn-out illness. And I think that's why he lives the way he does, honestly. I think that is why free or die. Yeah, he just if he wants to go out the way he wants to go out, and I am mad. I have no doubt in my mind that if he did ever get because he has been concerned here recently with his health. His health has been declining lately.

SPEAKER_03 48:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 48:01

The last like year or so. Um he has been concerned because he's little pieces that you get. He would never say it to anybody, but well, that's what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_01 48:11

You said he never stops, but I have come here and he's laying in the floor or he's laying on the couch, and that's because he's in so much pain. Yeah. But he won't tell anybody that that's why he's resting, but we know he's in a lot of pain.

SPEAKER_02 48:23

I think he will if he were to get sick with cancer or whatever, I think he won't tell anybody, and I think he takes himself out.

SPEAKER_01 48:35

Or he doesn't tell anybody and he doesn't take any treatment and he goes pretty quick. Quick.

SPEAKER_02 48:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:41

Because I have known people that did that. I knew that's gonna be me. I knew an older gentleman that um was a bar patron at a bar I used to go to, and like all of a sudden he bought his dream sports car, was like some in old Chevel in perfect condition. He would take it out on the back roads and just tear it up. He had this huge bash at his house. I mean, there were hundreds of people there, and crabs and grilling and booze and just a party. And then one day we were all like, what? He died, yeah. Like, no, I don't even think his wife knew if I remember correctly. Like, and I get that because you if you tell people everybody, oh, how you feeling? Yeah, are you okay? What the doctor say? Are you doing blah blah blah? I mean, it's a gene. I don't know if I could do it. I would love to say that I would because I think that is the way to go. Yeah. Um, I probably could. I'm a pretty private person. Find out. I think I could keep it to myself. Yes, you could. I mean, I would tell you. Yeah. But I'm not gonna do anything about it. Yeah, I know. You're gonna be rooting for I'll just go, Nicole.

SPEAKER_02 49:58

I'll be no, I know exactly what I'll say. I told you I had to die before you.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

I was just thinking that, so I was like, maybe we'll have to thelm and Louise it when we come to that. So, yeah, we'll go together. I get cancer if we both have to die.

SPEAKER_02 50:12

Well, otherwise, your kids are gonna have to take care of me, and I don't think that they want that. So or my sister's kids, and I know they don't want that. Um, before we get into yours, we better do the I was thinking that. Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_01 50:40

All right, so this week in Nicole's 1984 diary, uh, we are jumping from July 10th, 1984, to September 27th, 1984.

SPEAKER_02 50:52

That's the day before my 10th birthday.

SPEAKER_01 50:54

Yes, yes. And I wrote at 11 years old next to it, and this is a fun one. Okay, good. The title of it is my plans. Oh so this is what my 11-year-old brain thought I was gonna be doing as an adult. Oh, yes, this is exciting. My plans are living in Pennsylvania, wrong. And as a car, having a rabbit. Nope. Um, I want to go on my honeymoon to Hollywood and meet some stars and singers. Nope. I plan on having a brown-haired and brown-eyed man. That's 11-year-old me. Okay. Yeah, I did that twice. Um and have one kid. Nope. And my job and hobbies will be cat sitting and cat raising. That's I mean cat raising, yes. You got that one in the bag. I do cat sitting too. Okay, occasionally, yes. Um, it's not my job though. A hobby, yeah, sure. Um, if when I have a kid, and if it's a girl, I want to name her Nikki Lynn, which is the 80s name. Thank fucking God. The funny thing is, I hate the name Nikki now. Like I don't like it when people call me Nikki. Nick, fine. Nicole is my name. I'm good at that, you know, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:30

Yeah. All right. So yeah, that that's Nikki Lynn. That's I'm gonna start calling your your middle kid Nikki Lynn.

SPEAKER_01 52:39

I do have to tell her that because I wanted to name her Fiona. Yes. And she is so grateful every day that her father said no to Fiona. I'm so mad about it. And she wouldn't have known if that was just her name growing. She would never know. I know. But yeah. I love it though. Like, live in Pennsylvania. I don't know where that came from. Like, I lived in Delaware and my family was from Jersey. I don't even know how I knew what Pennsylvania was.

SPEAKER_02 53:03

I mean, when I was 10, I probably wanted to live in the city of Philadelphia because I watched Rocky so many times and I liked row homes. Oh, me too.

SPEAKER_01 53:10

I still want to live in a row home. I still do. Except one catches fire, 10 catch fire. Well, I was gonna say it's it's not a great situation, but honeymoon in Hollywood and meet some stars and singers, like, sure, why not?

SPEAKER_02 53:27

You just tell them it's your honeymoon and they come out of everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 53:30

It's so funny though, because sometimes when I read this thing, I'm like, how did I have this knowledge at 11? Or how did I was I thinking and but I read that and I'm like, oh yeah, I was 11. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 53:41

Want my job to be cat raising.

SPEAKER_01 53:43

Most definitely, yeah. Although I meet with high schoolers and they say things like that. So you know. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Yeah, me neither. I just fell into this. Now I I I know what I want to be, retired. Yeah. Heard. And that really since I started working, is has been my goal. Yeah. Always is to be retired. So I went to college and never had aspirations of like high-paying jobs or high titles. It was a job with the state, so I have health benefits and I can retire one day. And that's all I want. Yep. I don't care how much my paycheck is, I just want to retire.

SPEAKER_02 54:23

My whole time when I was going through it at the post office when I first started, that's all I kept saying is this job is gonna get you a retirement. Yep. Because otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to retire.

SPEAKER_01 54:35

Yep. In 11, in August, I will hit 11 years with the state, and I'm like, 14 to go, baby. You're almost halfway there. You got this. Yeah. Wow. When really, when I think about that I've been there 11 years, retirement is gonna come pretty quick. Yeah. I mean, because I can't believe it. I still remember I remember very clearly the job I had before that. Right. So yeah. All right. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 55:03

Anyway, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 55:06

So uh now I will tell you my story of what happened back in March. Um, so oh, I did forget to mention one thing about your dad's situation. Yes. I came out the winner in that situation in your dad's situation. She really did. Because I found out in conversation during his time of being sick that I am his second favorite person on the planet. Oh, that's why. And I have been riding that high for like two weeks.

SPEAKER_02 55:37

Now, now fourth. Because I find you gotta put the kids above the other one, I said.

SPEAKER_01 55:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:45

I mean, I thought that that was like a given that they were.

SPEAKER_01 55:48

I do have a theory though on why I would be second. Okay. And the other one is number one.

SPEAKER_02 55:54

I mean, he's gonna make he adores. Oh I mean, I know, because he's the greatest human being ever to walk the earth.

SPEAKER_01 56:01

No, because no, he loves the two of us because we are the ones that take care of you and your sister. No, I think he just likes my brother-in-law because No. Yeah, it's because he knows you two are in good hands with the two of us. I know you can't admit it any more than he can, so we'll just let it go.

SPEAKER_02 56:21

He always wanted boys, and he got another shot out. My brother-in-law is the son he always wanted. And yes, if you can't like my brother-in-law, there's something very wrong with you.

SPEAKER_01 56:32

Yes, that is the truest thing you've ever said.

SPEAKER_02 56:35

The man is the single nicest human being, kindest human being you'd ever want to meet.

Knee Surgery Scare From Far Away

SPEAKER_01 56:42

Yep, good energy. Yeah, just good to be around. I got well, who isn't? All right, so March 4th. Um, my dad was scheduled to have knee uh knee replacement. Um, it's been a long time coming. He's been in so my dad has very, very, very bad arthritis, and he has had it for a long time. And his back is so messed up, and I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but the doctors have told him there's nothing we can do. Like, if we fix one thing, it's not gonna feel any better because all these other things are still happening. We can't fix all these other things, and blah, blah, blah. So, anyway, all his joints are are hurting, so he needs an e-replacement. And my dad is such a trooper, like, he's not a tough guy by any stretch of the imagination. Like, I'm pretty sure he's never been in a fight. Yeah, he's never he's very law-abiding, never even smoked a cigarette. The opposite of my dad. But um, all right, so not tough in any way, but not a complainer. Really, just a pretty positive guy. Um, again, like I said, as long as he's standing upright, he's good. Um he's so for him to be in like so much pain. The last time I was down there, his knee was so bad, like he could barely stand up. And he was he but he didn't want to stop, and he still wanted me to have a good time, and he wanted us to get out and do things. So he was driving my stepmom and I to places and then sitting in the car for hours so that we could go walk the beach or go explore this uh nature preserve and check out the museum and all that stuff, but and he just wants to be involved, like he just wants to be there, he's fine. He turns on the AC, kicks the chair back, and takes a snap, right? He's good to go. So, anyway, I was super excited for him to get this knee replacement. I've known lots of people that got no knee replacements. I know it's a quick, easy peasy in and out kind of thing now. So, not too worried. I do stress bad, but uh again, also let me add that my parents live in Florida and I live in Delaware, so it's a two and a half hour flight or a 20-minute or 20 mile 20-hour drive. Um, so it's not quick to get to him if something happens. Luckily, my stepmom is in perfect health, very active. Like that woman wakes up in the morning and hits the ground running and doesn't stop till she goes to bed at night. I don't know how she does it, it's crazy. So, anyway, the night before I text to see how he's doing, and he was nervous and he couldn't sleep, and that makes me sad. So, anyway, the next day he goes into surgery. They had to be at the hospital at 6.15. He was out of surgery at 9.30. So arrive at the hospital at 6.15 and out of surgery at 9 30. Pretty quick. Nut. And they said he should be going home at 11:30. They're 45 minutes from the hospital. At 12:35, my stepmom texts me that he's home and in bed. So he was at the hospital at 6.15, 45 minutes away. At 12:35, he's home in bed. And which part of me is like, wow, that's amazing. Part of me is like, are you sure? Is that a good idea? Should you maybe have monitored him a little bit? Um so then at 7:47 that night, I get a text from my stepmom that they are at the ER because his knee is bleeding, and I am now in full-blown panic mode. Um, his blood pressure was 83 over 47. Crazy. Um, so they were doing blood work and tests. Um even to get him to the ER, so he's home, and my stepmom is a teeny tiny little thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:45

There's a very big difference between the two of them.

Medical Power Of Attorney Lessons

SPEAKER_01 1:00:48

And she needs to get him in the car. So two grown men had to come over, and they still took forever to get him in the car because he was dead weight. He was weak, he was tired. He well, his blood pressure was 83 over 47. So um, so then he gets to the hospital, and it takes a couple of male nurses to even get him. It took 15 minutes to get him out of the car and into a wheelchair to get him into the hospital. So this is how and this is my super active like go, go, go, no matter what, dad. All right. So then I get a text, his blood pressure's back up to 131 over 63, and they send him back home at midnight. So again, that was only a four-hour duration that he shows up at the hospital with the super low blood pressure, his surgery is bleeding, and they send him back home. Okay. So, and I'm in Delaware and they're in Florida, and I'm constantly texting my poor stepmom. Do you need me to come down there? And she's like, I got it. I'm like, No, I know you've got it. Like, I am not worried about that. But do you need me to come down there? Like, take care of the cats or somebody to talk to, or do you not want to be alone because they're together 24-7? So, but she kept telling me, No, honey, it's fine. Dad would rather wait until he feels better and you come down and visit. And I'm like, whatever. That doesn't help me. All right, so the next day he has an appointment at his surgeon at 145, and they want to put him in a rehab facility, which he is not happy about. Um, although he comes around to the idea because that's the only option, and he's like, All right, get me in then, get me rehab, and get me the hell out of here. Because my dad is a social butterfly. He loves going to the American Legion, he loves sitting at the bar sipping a seven and seven. And he's not even it's funny because he's he loves that, but he's not super chatty, but he'll sit and listen to you all day long. Right. So people love him. Um all right, so he goes to Surgent 145, and they send him back to the ER uh because they want to fast track him into rehab, and his blood pressure drops again to 79 over 45. Now, these are texts I I I laid out like the events as they happened. In the meantime, my stepmom was calling me at like nine o'clock every night to fill me in on everything. She was awesome, amazing about it. Um, I love her so much. Um, I felt bad one night because she was heading home. Well, one night she was heading home and she's like, All right, I just pulled into the Legion. They have wings. I'm gonna get some wings to go. I'm gonna have a beer at the bar. I'm going home. I was like, all right. So then then, like a couple nights later, she's going for um stuffed flounder and she was so excited. And then she texts me from the bar, it was imitation crab meat. All right, all right, so then um he eventually gets a room in the ER um later that night. All right, so now you know, back and forth. I did sorry, I did get a picture of him on my birthday laying in his hospital bed waving it. So that made me feel better. Yeah, because March 8th, four days later. Yeah. Hello. Come on. Yeah. All right, the next day on the ninth, I transfer him to rehab. He has OT, he has PT, he won't eat, he hates the food, he won't listen to the staff. He doesn't want to get up, and luckily he had a nurse who was a hard ass who made him get up. He didn't want to use the bedpan. He wanted to get out of the bed. Ay, ay, ay, my poor stepmom. Um, so he was in there a while. So then March 14th um was their wait, hold up. It was their anniversary. I'm trying to think of how many years. So I was like eight when they got married, so 45. Yeah, it was their 45th anniversary. So they had to celebrate it in the rehab center. But my stepmom made steam shrimp at home and took it in and they did their thing because they celebrate, they still celebrate their first date, like go out on a date to celebrate their first date. Like, yeah, they're super cute. Um, that's where I got all my wild, unrealistic ideas about marriage. But anyway, and then on the 17th, he went to the doctor and he got his 26 staples removed um from his knee. So his knee replacement wasn't typical because he had um the reason it went bad, because you know, leading up, they're at the American Legion, they are around a lot of people who have had replacement, um, joint replacements, and everybody's like, oh, I was up the next day, I was fine, you know. So that's what we're expecting. So now we're at what the 18th, so it's two weeks later, and he's still hospitalized. So we found out that he had a rare condition called lipoma arbosense, and it's a chronic condition where fatty projections grow inside of the knee joint and they look like a leafy tree. So it's very, very rare, but it's just fat that grows in it, so you lose. All the um cushioning in there and the smooth stuff that makes the joint go, and it all gets replaced by these tree branch tree leaf looking fatty projections. So that's why his was more difficult. Um so then, so here's another thing that comes up then. So then my stepmom texts me on the 19th, and she's like, When your dad gets out, we decided that we are going to um get a lawyer to get medical power of attorney. So my first thought was, Do you mean me? Right. I have to have medical power. So all I wrote back was, what does that mean?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:42

What you talking about, Willis?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:44

So she rewrites back, I'll be dad's med. Um, okay, good, good. That's all you don't even need to.

unknown 1:06:51

You're good. We're done.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:52

I just didn't know how else to ask that. But my dad has early onset dementia. Um, he is on a medication that seems to be slowing it, luckily. But my dad, it's hard to tell for me with my dad because my dad has never had a good memory, so and I have his memory. So, like my stepmom will be like, oh, well, this or that, and I'm like, it doesn't sound that just sounds like dad to me, but she knows him better than me, so she knows. Um, so while he was in the ER still, she came in, she kept trying to tell them there, like, he won't remember what you told him. He's not sure what to say. Even without dementia, my dad's just it's yeah, almost like he's ditzy sometimes. So, anyway, um, but of course, and rightly so, but you have to take the human aspect into it. All the nurses were like, Well, he's a girl man. We don't have to wait for you. We can tell him whatever we want. Luckily, she found one nurse who was willing, a male nurse that was willing to wait for her to tell him things. So, anyway, she comes in one day and my dad has signed approval for them to give him sleeping medication that has been approved by the D FDA for depression, but not for sleep. Right. And anyone who knows my dad for five minutes has probably seen him asleep. Because my dad can fall asleep anywhere, anytime, always has. He would fall asleep standing up when I was a kid. He falls asleep everywhere, and he was not having trouble sleeping in the hospital, so he didn't need sleep medication for at night. So that's when they decided like he can't make his own decision. Well, he can make his own decisions, but he needs Janet there back up to yes, make sure he understands what he's doing. So that's where they're at now. So another thing that you have to worry about is medical power of attorney if you're parents. Do you?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:00

I still have it from the it was non-expiring. Do they know that? I don't know where the paperwork is anymore.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:09

Well, it's somewhere.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:11

I had full power of attorney over both of them. My uncle, that was a lawyer, drew up the paperwork.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:18

I don't know why you don't use that against your dad anymore.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:22

Because he didn't like he signed it uh not willingly. He signed it. I mean, so it's not that you can joke about it. Yeah, it's not. He didn't want to sign it, but my uncle said it was the the it was in the best interest. Well, for one thing, um, so my dad doesn't know how to do anything bill-wise and nothing. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. My mom does literally everything. Yes. So when they were my mom was in a coma for three weeks and then she went to rehab for ten. So she was gone all time.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:50

Yeah. Ten months or ten weeks?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:51

Ten weeks. I was gonna say it felt like ten months. It's felt like ever. It did. Yeah. All his trips to Brynmark. Yeah. It was far. Um so he didn't know how to pay any of the bills and and refused to do it, honestly. He just refused to do it. So I had to get on their accounts. Oh. I mean, could we have just signed their name? Yes, but we didn't know um. We didn't know what's gonna happen with her. So I had to I I had to get it anyway. Um, yes, and it was non-expiring, so I could sell this house if I wanted. Or kick them out.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:29

Get out of my house. Take your van with the masters in the back.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:33

I think they I think they have the paperwork, so I think I think I gave it to them. Yeah. And they probably threw it away. Yeah.

unknown 1:10:41

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:42

I should ask. Where's my power of attorney? But my sister didn't want it. Because I said, you take one, I take the other, and she said no.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:53

Well, you said you knew it was all on you. So in the meantime, you know, dad's coming home. She's not sure if he'll be able to work the steps. My stepmom, so she finds this. And this part made me happy, like the kindness of strangers in a time that she needed it when I'm not down there. So she found this metal ramp on Marketplace, and it was$250. It was like brand new. And the guys were like 40 minutes away, I guess. And she's this tiny little lady with a little kiosole, so what's she gonna do with a ramp? And um, so she offered to pay the guys to deliver it and to pay for their gas money. They refused any extra money above the 250, they dropped it off, they set it up for her, like, and I was like, thank goodness, like you deserve some kindness right now. Like, you're going through it.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:41

A funny story when my parents had their accident, we had a neighbor across the street that was my sister's best friend's parents. They lived across the street from us forever. Like this they were really good friends with my parents, and blah blah blah. So when their accident happened, of course, she found out because she lived across the street and blah blah. She went in to the house, she can't because my parents never locked their doors there. So she went into the house and cleaned out the refrigerator. And when she caught when I talked to her, she said, By the way, we went in and we cleaned everything out of the refrigerator because that's what I would want somebody to do. I don't want to come home to a bunch of rotten food. And I was like, that makes total sense.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:28

It does.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:29

So she made us promise that if anything happened to her, that we would go over and clean. She has since moved to North Carolina, and I'm sorry, I'm not driving to North Carolina to do it. But they had the same sense of humor as their hippies, they were hippies too. Um, they had the same sense of humor as my dad. And one time he was going to take himself to the store, so he started walking, and he had um busted, he he tore his ACL and his MCL, and he decided he was going to walk the three blocks to the convenience store. And the neighbor came over and was like, Why don't you let me drive you? And he said, No, I just need milk. And he was like, Let me go get you. And he said, No, and he was like, Fine, lay here in the yard. I'm not coming to get you. Nice. And then they let him walk. He used to answer their phone when they when you would call over there. He used to answer at City Morgue.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:23

He did have your parents' your dad's. He was great. Yeah. So yeah, so my dad's good now. He got discharged um from the rehab on April 2nd. Um, he's been home, he's doing all his follow-ups and all he's supposed to do. I'm going to see him on June 4th. I cannot wait. But it was so stressful. And that's another element that we I just added in here is I'm far away. Yes. And when do you use your time? Like, do you panic and go down as soon as something happens and you've spent money and vacation time and you know that you've had to use, but then what if something more happens and you need to be there? Or what if, like in my dad's case, he wants to wait until he feels better so that he can actually enjoy his visit with me. So like it's not that easy. Some people, I guess, can jump on a plane and just go do what they want when they want to, but I don't think it's that many people. So um, so yeah, that's just another part of it that just makes it hard.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:23

So yeah. It's sick dads suck. Yeah, it's it's it's a position now. Granted, I don't know about any of you, but I've had a lot of really shitty things happen in my life where I've been at the short end of a stick. I I can attest to that. Paying for funerals that I planned with her and and what have you. And uh so I I feel like you know, it's not I don't know. For me, I think it's easier to come to terms with the fact that they are not gonna be here forever. Number one, because of the motorcycle accident, plain and simple. I mean um, but it also doesn't I don't know, I'm apparently the exception to the rules where if you know your parents are gonna die, wouldn't you want to spend all the time with them? But we all did that for like 30 years. We spent seven days a week, yeah, 13, 14 hours a day together. We did that.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:32

Yeah, you you all just went home to sleep to come back and spend to spend time together, all of us, the four of us, three of us very close quarters in a kitchen. And you guys still do spend a lot of time together. Yes, you really do. We do.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:46

We're and and and I lived in a van with them. So like I can now we're all separate. Yeah, we're we can separate now. It's it's cool. We're good. I am gonna have to live with I am gonna have to move in here um eventually. Yeah, because if and if he dies first, you know, uh either way, we're we're screwed, my sister and I. But but these are things that we have to all think about, and uh again, we're the adultiists now, and we don't feel like it.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:13

No, and I am not accepting the fact that my dad won't be around forever. I'm sorry, or my stepmom, like the thought of it, like I just pretend like they're still in their 50s, yeah, and everything's hunky dory. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess I know it will happen eventually, but I'm not looking forward to it. Yeah, I don't I don't think I'm out, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:40

Yeah, we joke about it a lot, but yeah, pulling the plug, like my sister wants to pull the plug. Yeah, I mean we're gonna do it, don't you? Don't don't get it twisted. The minute they're like, you need to make a done decision.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:53

But well, don't you want to go in this room? Nope. Nope. We've been either. Can we pull it? Yeah. Can we rock, paper, scissors, who gets to pull it? Who gets to pull it?

Flyers Playoff Feelings And Philly Fans

SPEAKER_02 1:17:02

Best out of three. Yeah. Um also, real quick, um, I would like to say that the Flyers for a team of uh ragtag young Bucks did a phenomenal job. Yes, they got swept in their second series, but I think we all knew that was going to happen, and they fought hard and took it to overtime two games, and I think that the the second the game they lost in Philadelphia. I'm actually glad that they that it was in Philadelphia. Yeah. Because what happened at the end of it is why, if you don't follow hockey or don't care about sports at all, I get it. But um just maybe Google what happened after the Flyers game in Philadelphia after they got swept, because that is exactly why people like playing in Philadelphia. That is why Philadelphia fans are the greatest because they stayed out there. The fans gave them a standing ovation, even though they got swept in overtime. And it was very moving because they kept yelling the let's go flyers, and because they know this is just the beginning. They're young kids, they weren't expected to go this far.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:29

It's been a long time since we've been in a position where we can feel like that, but and it also, you know, other fans of other cities can hate Philadelphia fans all they want, but athletes of other cities will say they love to play in Philly because they love the passion of the fans.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:49

Well, the goalie for the Flyers at the end, they asked him about the the ovation and the chance and stuff, and he said, This is why I came to Philadelphia. The the fans, they they care. Yes. He was like, they let you know when you're not doing well, but they they understood, and he said it made it a little less painful.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:07

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:09

Because that's that's who they as long as you f now, if they had gotten swept, you know, in all four games, like ten to nothing, okay. Maybe they wouldn't I mean the the fans would have been like, okay, yay.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:22

They had potential and they weren't supposed to be there. And the other team was clearly better. They fought hard, but they still fought. Yeah. So that's that's unlike the Sixers who just went down in a ball of flames.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:35

I just I just wanted to put that I I and it has it has gotten me back into hockey. I hadn't watched hockey in a very long time.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:41

I'm so excited you're back into hockey.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:43

I fucking love hockey.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:44

I know that's how much I love hockey. Yeah, do you think you'll watch it next season or do you think it's a playoff thing?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:50

I mean, it's for me a lot, it was playoffs. I would watch it through the season, but I wasn't like I wasn't like people. Yeah, I wasn't like I have to get home for the Flyers game. And and we went to several Flyers games um back in the day when fucking Eric Lindross and John LeClair were playing. And the coach of the um Carolina Hurricanes and the coach of the Philadelphia Flyers were both on the same team. Wow. Flyers that I watched. Wow. I watched them play. That's so cool. Yes, and I remembered them. I especially Brindamore. He was a tough son of a bitch, and I very much enjoyed what he had to say about the fans and their reaction at the end, and he was like, Yep, that's that's that's who they are. That's that's awesome. And he was happy to come back, and you know, and he told, you know, our coach Tocket that, you know, enjoy it because they deserved it, and and then they walked off the ice, and it was but yeah, I watched them fucking play. I we were 13 rows off the ice behind the goal, and uh so it's been nice, but yeah, but yeah. Yeah, congrats to the flyers on awesome stuff. I just wanted to put that out there because I know it was last week and it was, you know, yeah, some guy, I don't know, a medical and that and that's why we couldn't record last week because we didn't know what was happening, so we couldn't we were kind of we were in touch every day, like, and then we were just like, you know what, the world's not gonna fall apart if we don't drop an episode this week.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:25

We're not gonna be able to get it together, so yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah. So we appreciate your patience.

Self Care And Closing Thoughts

SPEAKER_02 1:21:32

Yes, and and good luck raising your parents. Yeah. Good luck with the elder care medical, and the problem we have here, which I imagine is a problem everywhere, but I know specifically, specifically here, so many people moved here in 2020 that the healthcare system was not able to keep up. And there's a lot of elderly people here. A lot, a lot, and so it's very taxing on our health care system. There is, and so that was another issue. Like my uncle at one point was like, he kept calling me. And I was like, I don't, I will I will call you when I know something. I was like, they're still waiting to take him to an MRI. They didn't take him for his MRI until the very next day, even though they kept saying we're coming for him. And at one point they said, We have to take the emergency cases first, and then we'll take him. And my uncle on the phone said, Oh, a stroke isn't a fucking emergency. That's what I was thinking. And I was like, I I don't know what I can't take him to it. So I don't know what you want me to do. Yeah. So yeah. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:39

This might not have been a hilarious episode, but it was an information, informative, informational um help to prep. If you're going through something like this, we feel you. Yeah, we hope you get the help you need. Yeah, it's rough. I know it's cliche, but self-care is super important. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:58

Go home. If you're if you're getting frustrated and you're getting like it's just you're not doing anybody any favors. Learned a very valuable lesson with my mom in the hospital that it was it's just sometimes you have to just go home. Yep. Sometimes you just have to say, enough is enough. I'm sorry, I have to leave. And nobody is faulting you, and don't feel guilty about it because they understand. Yep. That's what they're there for. Thanks for listening. Thank you. Thanks for listening to us and letting us get out our nonsense.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:32

Yeah, yeah. It felt good to talk about it. It's crazy. This we had a similar situation in a couple months of each other. Let's hope we don't do that again. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:41

Uh, you can follow us on all the socials. You can uh listen to us anywhere that you find podcasts and uh tell a friend. You can like share, rate, review. I said that. Please. Obviously. Uh we have a website www.likewhateverpod.com. Uh-huh. Um you can send us an email about how hard it is to pull the plug so that I know if it's just one switch. Is it like a regular? Is it like a 220? You can send us an email at like whatever pod at gmail.com or don't like whatever. Whatever. Bye.